Where has family ritual gone? It seems like every time we try to celebrate milestones or draw attention to the importance of our little family unit, our kids roll their eyes or accuse us of mindless sentimentality. Maybe they have a point—tradition has largely been co-opted by corporations and box retail stores. There’s a certain inauthenticity to a lot of holidays, made worse by the fact that we tend to be more stressed out and have less patience with our children during those times.
Tradition can be large or small, connected to religion or not. What’s important is to incorporate small rituals into your daily family life and to commit to them. Bake them into your weekly routine so that they become easy to maintain. I recommend actually adding them to your schedule The Skylight Calendar to track everything I do to make sure nothing gets lost. With the proper thought, family rituals and traditions can not only accomplish together time but establish a blueprint for healthy and happy living.
After Dinner Walk
I know, I know. It’s December, and after dinner it is dark and cold. But here’s the thing: fresh air is really good for you, and kids don’t get enough of it (and neither do you!). Walking after dinner also helps with digestion. Most importantly, it’s really, really hard to walk and stare at your phone at the same time. Walking with your kids gives you the opportunity to ask them deeper and more meaningful questions as well as observe the community around you. Maybe it’s a chance to get to know your neighbors, pick up trash, play Pokémon Go, or just think your thoughts. In my family, it’s an opportunity to play I Spy and turn that into an increasing back-and-forth of puns on a theme. So bundle up, put on your walking shoes, and take a short journey around the block!
Highs and lows
Maybe you also hate the dreaded “How was school?” question. I know my kids and I both loathe it. It’s not conducive to really probing at what matters in their lives or what they care about. Recently we started a little ritual called “Highs and Lows” instead, where each person gets to list three high points and three low points to their day. The thing I like best about this is that it doesn’t gloss over the frustrations and disappointments all children have. The goal is not to fix their problems but to really listen and empathize. You’ll understand them better if you celebrate their highs and commiserate with their lows each day. If your kid struggles to put their emotions into words, you can also try using these mindfulness cards from the Little Otter Shop that I think are super cute. They explain big feelings with pretty watercolors and animals.
Screen Time – Together
Most parents balk when I recommend screen time as ritual. Kids already get too much of it, and when we do employ it, it’s usually to get them to sit still and behave while we get something super important done. That said, I think that kids’ lives are now inextricably tethered to screens. They play games, talk to friends, do learning modules. How much do you actually know about those things? This ritual can be brief, but I like my kids to give me a tour of their favorite app or game or show periodically. It helps me know that what they’re doing is safe and okay, but it also lets me share what they’re excited about. Rolling your eyes and being dismissive about Minecraft just makes kids feel alone. Be someone they can share their passions with.
Read as a Family
Your mileage may vary, because my family is huge on books, but I’ve found reading together to be a great ritual for improving the mind and family harmony. There are lots of options as your kids grow, too. When they’re young, you can read them books or chapters of books before bed. When they get older, you can set aside a half hour each evening to sit together and read your books separately. Then, with teenagers, you can even start a book club! This is my favorite one to do with my kids. We make tea and cookies and put on little flat caps and adopt silly British accents. That part makes it fun, but we get surprisingly into the book club discussions. If you’re not a reading family or struggle with dyslexia, audio books are a great alternative to TV in the evening. I’m a big fan of Audible, and we use it for road trips as well.
Do Silly Contests
It can be hard to celebrate milestones and accomplishments in small ways on a regular basis. I have very competitive children, so we like to do weekly awards for various made-up categories. Sometimes it’s “Most Interesting Fact Learned” or “Most Pages Read,” sometimes it’s “Best Dressed” or “Good Grades.” We put the categories up on our weekly acrylic fridge calendar, and everyone votes anonymously for small prizes like a candy bar or stickers. Be careful with this one—it can get fraught quickly! Make sure that the rules are relaxed and that everyone feels celebrated for their efforts.